This one's been in my draft box for a week or so, but like the other post, I just wasn't sure I was ready to share. Before going on, I feel like I need to post a warning. If I'm going spend time blogging, I want it to be honest and real and God honoring. While I think adoption is the one of THE most amazing things we have EVER done, I have to say it is also the HARDEST thing we have ever done. I totally believe God will bring us through this, but it is a work in progress and it takes time and we are human... I KNOW many of these things are normal ways of her processing and coping, but knowing it doesn't necessarily make it much less annoying. I know there will be magnificent pearls from all these grains of sand when all is said and done.
Ok with that said and done, here we go!
I realize it's been a while since I updated everyone. Our days seem to fly by and I can't believe TingTing has already been with our family for almost 2 months.
Ok with that said and done, here we go!
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| Sisters...on a good day. |
TingTing has such a sweet and loving heart. She wants to be close to us. She loves to giggle and laugh and make funny faces. She loves to help. She tries to mama all of us. She loves structure and routine. Her favorite thing to do is color.
We are blessed that she came to us speaking/understanding more English than we expected. That's normally a big obstacle. She actually doesn't like to speak Chinese or have anyone speak to her in Chinese right now.
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A TingTing funny:
Coming home from church, Shaoey and Grace started listing TingTingisms
Baba, whatimeisit?
Baba, whatdoin'?
Be gentle!
Too loud! (quite amusing since SHE's the loud one!)
When TingTing pipes in with some of her own:
Baba, go sleepy?
Baba, NOODLES!
Funny to see her taking part in the fun!
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Some of those same things are like chinese water torture though (the drip of water on a prisoner's forehead...). There's nothing big that has made this adoption more difficult than the other two, it's a bunch of the little things that wear you down.
She wants to be close to us, as in up in our face and personal space all.the.time. This analogy came to mind last night. Imagine your child's new friend moving in with you and how it would feel incorporating him/her into your life--wanting to be over your shoulder, into everything your doing, walking in on you in the bathroom, rubbing her snotty nose on you... it takes time to for it to feel natural (ok, the last one never feels natural!).
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TingTing running
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She is giggly and silly and has trouble just being TingTing. I know it's a coping mechanism to cover her true feelings and it's also how she got attention at the orphanage. People visiting like to see happy, silly, interacting little children. They learn early on that that's how they get attention. At home.... it's annoying, try being serious a bit, not everything is meant to be silly and laughed at. Oh and we usually get hurt because she bumps around and trips over us in her silliness and then tells us to "be gentle!" Ummm......
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Another TingTing funny:
Watching her ride a bike...she looks like a little old granny from the 50's, she just putt-putts along.....
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She tries to mama the girls and they don't feel a need for another mama....She tries to tell them when to nap, when to brush teeth, when to bathe.... I know she loved on the smaller kids at the orphanage and helped take care of them. Hard to help her understand that Shaoey and Grace have a mama to do all those things. (We also have issues with her waking them in the night or in the morning when she's ready to get up. She'll wake them to ask what time it is--she has a watch. Or like the other morning, she saw Grace leave the room and talked to her. After Grace left the room, she WOKE Shaoey to ask her where Grace was. REALLY???
She LOVES structure and routine...to the point of suffocating us at times. She is starting to relax, but barely. We feel like there's little spontaneity to our life. When we don't do things according "her" routine we have to explain everything a million times, then she thinks it's the new norm and not just a special time. Interestingly, her routine does not include things like wipe your bottom when you go to the bathroom, wash your hands, don't use other people's clothes and bodies to wipe your nose....
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One special thing we did was a dance fundraiser for Miles Perret. The dance school learned a dance from 9 am-noon. Then we went to the mall and park and performed it and collected donations. Here's a portion of it:
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She LOVES drawing and coloring...to the exclusion of everything else. She tunes us all out and colors. Makes it annoying when I'm teaching the other kids, especially read alouds which we do A LOT of She will be coloring and she doesn't seem to even realize that I'm reading aloud and interrupts us a every couple minutes. We totally lose the flow and I often have to reread..... Hard to get the gist of what you're reading when you're stopped every minute and a half.
In public, she looks like an angel so when people ask how it's going and I try to be honest and let them know how we're doing, they act like it's just me or they tell me how their child does such and such and blow me off. I know so much of this sounds silly and small, and it is, but it's the whole package..... the day in, day out., the bickering (like today).... If I'm trying to share with you and you don't know what to say, just offer an ear, smile, and a nod, I don't need much else. Sharing and asking for prayer is NOT easy for me and you reach a point it's easier not to ask.
I know it will get better, but in my experience it usually gets worse before it gets better. Prayers appreciated!
'Til next time...
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One special thing we did was a dance fundraiser for Miles Perret. The dance school learned a dance from 9 am-noon. Then we went to the mall and park and performed it and collected donations. Here's a portion of it:
She's making good progress. Her stretching has really improved and she tries hard to follow the other girls in class. She seems to be excited when it's dance day.
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She LOVES drawing and coloring...to the exclusion of everything else. She tunes us all out and colors. Makes it annoying when I'm teaching the other kids, especially read alouds which we do A LOT of She will be coloring and she doesn't seem to even realize that I'm reading aloud and interrupts us a every couple minutes. We totally lose the flow and I often have to reread..... Hard to get the gist of what you're reading when you're stopped every minute and a half.
A Shaoey sad funny: Shaoey signed something this morning and I didn't know the sign. I asked her what it was and she told me "frustrated." I asked if that was one of the words Ms. Pam taught the class. She said, "No, I asked her." Shaoey's having a really hard time with this adoption. TingTing is everything Shaoey is not--rough, loud, messy, snotty, unfeminine....
In public, she looks like an angel so when people ask how it's going and I try to be honest and let them know how we're doing, they act like it's just me or they tell me how their child does such and such and blow me off. I know so much of this sounds silly and small, and it is, but it's the whole package..... the day in, day out., the bickering (like today).... If I'm trying to share with you and you don't know what to say, just offer an ear, smile, and a nod, I don't need much else. Sharing and asking for prayer is NOT easy for me and you reach a point it's easier not to ask.
I know it will get better, but in my experience it usually gets worse before it gets better. Prayers appreciated!
'Til next time...
I am glad to read that things at home are starting to loosen up a little bit. I know it all feels like a snail's pace, but it is movement in the right direction. Remember to take time for yourself and time for you and Troy. My prayers are with you and all of your family. Thanks for answering God's call to adopt these beautiful girls. Marie Chauffe
ReplyDeleteI hear you, Charlene. I totally get it. It is HARD. I wish I had words of encouragement for you. Just don't beat yourself up over it. I loved mine from the get-go, but learning to like takes longer. All those little things do take their toll and grate on you and make you want to tear your hair out. It will get better, just one day at a time. Big hugs to you!!
ReplyDeleteTotally understand this post. With each of our children coming home, it was different. But what wasn't different is how difficult it can be to finally begin feeling like they are really your children and not just someone else's child you are babysitting who has really gross and irritating habits. I like what Jocelyn said about loving your children immediately but it taking time to like them. And unless someone else has been there, they just don't get it. People would give the impression that we were monsters for having those feelings at first. It is a lonley time for a new child and a new family. praying you through this time.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
janet and gang
Praying for you, my friend. I have days when so many little things get on my last nerve, and then the next day I am the one who is better. I wish I could figure out why I have more patience on some days than others. My biggest self-talk is, "Keep your feelings on the back burner. This is not about feelings. Do the right thing. Do the loving thing. Do the selfless thing." It seems to help me, and my feelings catch up afterward. I know this is temporary for us, too, but I do feel like I'm babysitting someone else's kids much of the time. Blessings.
ReplyDelete