Steps of Faith: September 2009

I am feeling kind of foggy and confused this morning about this adoption. We did get some answers to DH's questions about her development....

Can she:
brush teeth without help? She needs a little help

dress self without help? She needs a little help
understandable speech? Yes
name 3 or 4 colors? Yes
balance on each foot for 3 seconds? No
hop? No
throw ball? Yes
name friends? Yes
copy a "+" and an "O"? Yes
draw a stick person? Yes
build a tower with 8 blocks/cubes? Yes
count to 3 or 4? Yes

He said that was what he needed, but didn't give any indication what that meant... Doesn't seem to tell us much--she can and she can't... I went to bed feeling lost and like this wasn't for us. Kind of empty feeling. Scared...I've been reading up on hydrocephalus and sounds like there's so much more involved than either of our adoptions--possible surgery redo's if the shunt needs to be replaced because of blockage or her growth, learning disabilities, sometimes hydro have seizures/epilepsy, she may have weakness on one side...So much more than a cleft baby and missing an arm... DH's heart--he is in protective mode and I appreciate that. But we are a little familiar with hydrocephalus as my sister was born that way, but she has so much more "wrong" with her than TingTing--cerebral palsy, vision and hearing impaired, mildly mentally retarded...

But then I woke up to "You are Great" by Terry MacAlmon:

You deserve the glory and the honor,

Lord we lift our hands in worship

and bless your holy name......(x2)

Chorus:

For you are great,

You do miracles so great,

There is no one else like you,

There is no one else like you......(x2)

I also woke to this Elisabeth Elliot's devotional....

There Are No Accidents

My friend Judy Squier of Portola Valley, California, is one of the most cheerful and radiant women I know. I met her first in a prayer meeting at the beginning of a conference. She was sitting in a wheel chair, and I noticed something funny about her legs. Later that day I saw her with no legs at all. In the evening she was walking around with crutches. Of course I had to ask her some questions. She was born with no legs; she had artificial ones which she used sometimes, but they were tiresome, she said (laughing) and she often left them behind. When I heard of a little baby boy named Brandon Scott, born without arms or legs, I asked if she would write to his parents. She did:

"The first thing I would say is that all that this entails is at least one hundred times harder on the parents than the child. A birth defect by God's grace does not rob childhood of its wonder, nor is a child burdened by high expectations. Given a supportive, creative, and loving family, I know personally that I enjoyed not a less-than-average life nor an average life, but as I've told many, my life has been not ordinary but extra-ordinary.

I am convinced without a doubt that a loving Heavenly Father oversees the creative miracles in the inner sanctum of each mother's womb (Psalm 139), and that in His sovereignty there are no accidents.

'What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Creator calls a butterfly.' As humanity we see only the imperfect, underside of God's tapestry of our lives. What we judge to be 'tragic--the most dreaded thing that could happen,' I expect we'll one day see as the awesome reason for the beauty and uniqueness of our life and our family. I think that's why James 1:2 is a favorite verse of mine. Phillips' translation put it this way: 'When all kinds of trials and temptations crowd into your lives, my brothers, don't resent them as intruders but welcome them as friends.'

I love Joni Eareckson Tada's quote. When I saw it on the front of Moody Monthly, October 1982, I was convinced she'd penned the words for my epitaph. Now my husband David is aghast to hear me say I want it on my tombstone! Glory be!

People with disabilities are God's best visual aids to demonstrate who He really is. His power shows up best in weakness. And who by the world's standards is weaker than the mentally or physically disabled? As the world watches, these people persevere. They live, love, trust and obey Him. Eventually the world is forced to say, "How great their God must be to inspire this kind of loyalty."

Being Christian didn't shield my family from the pain and tears that came with my birth defect. In fact, ten years ago when David and I interviewed our parents for a Keepsake Tape, I was stunned to hear my mother's true feelings. I asked her to tell the hardest thing in her life. Her response: 'the day Judy Ann was born and it still is....' And yet when we as a family look back over the years, our reflections are invariably silenced by the wonder of God's handiwork. Someday I hope to put it in a book and I know it will be to the glory of God.

Getting married and becoming a mother were dreams I never dared to dream, but God, the doer of all miracles intended that my life be blessed with an incredible husband and three daughters. Emily is nine, Betsy will soon be seven, and Naphtalie Joy is four. I've decided that every handicapped person needs at least one child. They are fantastic helpers and so willing to let me 'borrow their legs' when I need help.

You as a family have been chosen in a special way to display His unique Masterwork. I pray that your roots of faith will grow deep down into the faithfulness of God's Loving Plan, that you will exchange your inadequacy for the Adequacy ofJesus' resurrection power, and that you will be awed as you witness the fruits of the Spirit manifested in your family."

God, I want to be her mama so badly, I want us to be her family, I want to hold her tell her how much God loves her.... But more than anything, I want this to be Your will not our will. I want Him to be glorified!

Praying for wisdom and guidance, to be open to the opening and closing of doors, for Him to rid me of my selfish desires and to fill me with desires that are in line with His...

Yes!

Last night Troy came home with a Strasburg bag. He had Shaoey open it, I'm thinking it's a gift for the 2 girls. Shaoey takes out one dress, then she and Grace take out a second. I thought they were done, until they reached in and took out a third...all I could do was cry. Troy is ready to move ahead to try to adopt TingTing! We are still trying to find out some info on what she can do mentally. She seems fine in pictures and one short video I have of her. And then there's the small problem of finding her file and being matched with it, but that is God's specialty, isn't it---doing the impossible.

Here's a little background on Joy/TingTing:

We met TingTing when we were adopting Grace in December. She is a sweet little thing. The children and I have been praying for her ever since. We prayed for her to find a family and that if it was God's will, we would be that family. Shaoey talks about her every day as if she's already here. She tells us where TingTing's going to sit at the table, sleep, ride in the car....She tells us what we need to buy for her--most importantly MATCHING clothes! If you know anything about Shaoey, that is not a surprise! LOL TingTing is 4 1/2 years old. Her special needs are hydrocephalus and mild scoliosis.